DIKKON EBERHART
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A piece of rice paper and forgiveness

11/30/2018

12 Comments

 
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​Dikkon Eberhart


One of my first activities since I joined Kairos Prison Ministry is to begin reading everything I can about Kairos and about prison ministry in general.  For those interested, I recommend Rev. Earl Smith’s memoir Death Row Chaplain which recounts his 23 years as chaplain at San Quentin Prison (the book is not specifically about Kairos).  Simply and unhesitatingly written, this is the story of a young thief, drug runner, gang member, and fighter who—after being shot six times in a drug deal—turned his life around and dedicated himself to bringing redemption as a possibility into the lives of incarcerated men jailed on the shore of beautiful San Francisco Bay. 

San Quentin is “a dark and isolated place,” as Smith describes it, but there he found “many examples of redemption, kindness, love, patience, courage, compassion, generosity, joy, and yes, even humor.”  However, he continues, “I think the primary thing I learned during my tenure was the value of forgiveness” (page 179, emphasis mine). 

Friends of mine in Kairos, who enticed me to join with their excitement about their ministry, often said that the most vivid experience they had during years at Pocahontas was closely to encourage and to observe the redemption of men who were otherwise considered by the general population to be the “least of these” (See Matthew 25:34-40). 

Forgiveness occurred; redemption happened. 

Inmates have nothing that we of the free world prize.  These men, though, come to a Kairos “walk” (a four-day weekend, intensive experience presenting them with the possibility of Jesus’ redemptive grace for them) because they hope to gain everything.
 
During my first walk, I saw men confess, give themselves to Jesus, become saved, and then turn around, bathed with relief, to try and save their fellow inmates.  My friends would say words to me like, “I promise you, Dikkon, they have given me far more than I can ever have given them.” 

We of the free world, figuratively, we have everything.  Yet having everything already, we of the free world sometimes are secretive about what we need to give away—which is not our things but our emotions, that is, our hurts, our defenses, our fears, our selfishness. 

As an imprisoned inmate might do, some of us choose to hold onto our hurt.  Alas, we of the free world, sometimes we imprison ourselves. 
 
 


If you are reading this post during the afternoon of December 1, 2018, I was back in prison that morning. 

We Kairos volunteers were at Pocahontas State Prison in SW Virginia for a reunion with inmate members of our Kairos #15 walk, which occurred last October, and with other prisoners who desired to attend. 

I’m writing this post earlier in the week, so I don’t yet know what Christian theme was explored during Saturday morning, but my personal theme for that reunion will be forgiveness.  Not just their forgiveness, but mine, too.  
 
 


In an earlier post about my new experience of Kairos (see 10/19/2018, under the GOD heading), I stated that there were four major high points for me as take-aways during my first 4-day “walk” inside.  In that post, I reflected on one of them, on agape love—and I reproduced the agape letter that I wrote to each of our prisoner attendees. 

Another experience of a Kairos walk is the forgiveness ceremony, which occurs late in the afternoon of the third day.  By then—three-quarters through the whole walk—attendees have heard many talks delivered by Kairos volunteers.  These talks are designed to build a rising tide of awareness among the inmates that they are personally responsible for their condition of incarceration.  Their personal choices have incarcerated them.  It was not those others whom they may have hated as their enemies.  Each talk lasts about 20 minutes and involves confession by the man giving the talk regarding his own pathway through the theme of that talk. 

Then the inmates gather in small groups at assigned tables and discuss the ideas of the talk with assigned Kairos volunteers.  Their comprehension of the issues is also stimulated by graphics: the inmates draw and color a poster dramatizing what they’ve discussed.  Often, throughout the three days, the word forgiveness occurs--choice and forgiveness are among many Kairos themes. 

By the end of the third day, inmates have had three intense days of being prepped for an upcoming event.  And we’ve all had plenty of singing, music, worship, prayer, and cookie eating (yay!). 

So…what is this forgiveness ceremony?  
 
 


Early on the third day, all inmates and volunteers are given a square of rice paper and a pencil and encouraged during the day to write down the name of a person or of several persons to whom, in their hearts, they now feel they should provide forgiveness.  We are challenged to consider real forgiveness, not mere casual forgiveness—real forgiveness of the sort that for three days we volunteers have been attributing during our talks only to Jesus’ glory.

And these rice papers, with the names we write on them, are to be kept secret, until….the forgiveness ceremony.
 
 


Since I’d received my paper, I had thought a good deal, and I had prayed some, too.  I had put one single name on my rice paper.  Sometimes I thought to erase it.  But then I thought, no. 

I thought, “I’m a spectator here, a helper only.  This ceremony isn’t for me.  It’s for them, the ones who are in figurative chains and behind actual bars.  The ones here on the inside.  Not for me.  Should I even participate in this ceremony, whatever it is?  Well, I suppose so, yes.  After all, I did write a name on my paper.” 
 
 

An hour later, I stood in one of two long lines of volunteers and inmates.  Each of us held a paper in hand.  All of us were quiet.  One by one, we stepped forward and eventually knelt on a mat.  Before each of us was a bucket of water.  On the other side of each bucket was one of us volunteers, a professional pastor, equipped to pray. 

I bent over the bucket, paper in hand.  My volunteer brother nodded, “Drop it in.”  I did.  The paper and the name dissolved.  He asked me, “What?”  I named the name that had now dissolved and our relationship, and I said only one sentence more.  He reached across the bucket and laid his hands on my shoulders and began to pray. 

Three minutes later I could barely stand, so shaking was I.  My tears were so copious I could not see.  One of my Kairos friends saw this and came over and helped me up.  We embraced tightly. 

“See?” he asked. 

I nodded.

I sniffed, wiped my eyes.  Soon, I believed, maybe my knees would begin to function again.  I embraced my friend a second time. 

I thought, “I should have put more names on.”

Then I thought, “I’ll have another chance…during our next walk.” 
 
 


Rev. Smith speaks about the societal purpose of incarceration.  He uses two words, rehabilitation and regeneration. Times change in society and ideas about how best to address public problems come and go.  Yes, evil-doers must be kept separate from the general population, for its safety. 

Rehabilitation
means to change back to the person the inmate was before he began his life of crime—or, if he has been a criminal always, then back into the ideal person he could have been, as he was when he was an infant and in God’s palm.  A rehabilitated criminal is able to enter the free world and to live a successful and productive life without recidivism. 

But Rev. Smith speaks of regeneration as the ultimate goal. Regeneration comes from, among other things, forgiveness as well as salvation.  It comes from forgiving the ones against whom the inmate has continued to stoke his rage, and forgiving himself with the realization that he is not his crime. 

He does not need to continue to imprison himself. 
Yes, he did the crime(s), deserves the punishment(s), is doing the time.  But also he is a fallen and a loved child of God. 

As Rev. Smith concludes, “Regeneration sets the standard for kingdom choices” (page 201). 
 
 


My theme regarding myself on December 1 is forgiveness.  I’ll be at the prison where we outsiders and those insiders bond.  We will have fellowship, some good rockin’ gospel music, some exciting theological talk, a few intense prayers, perhaps the moment of salvation for one or two more of those who are chained. 

I can’t wait for Kairos #16 next year in April. 

I’ll choose to put more names on my paper.   I’ll choose to forgive them.  I’ll drop some more of my own chains. 
 



12 Comments
Cathy link
12/1/2018 02:36:35 pm

Powerful! So glad you are serving in this capacity.

Reply
Dikkon
12/1/2018 05:49:38 pm

Cathy--

I'm grateful for your compliment. Beyond that--now having return from prison this day--I'm grateful to the Lord for His grace by which he brought me into contact with this ministry in the first place. Today was like all days, for us, at the prison. It was a blessing.

A friend who is getting out in May, after three years, spoke with me deeply about his determination to do two things immediately when he becomes free--one is to embrace his brother and sister who have vowed to help him, the other is to find a church where his understanding of ultimate freedom will be cherished, and at which he can pass his understanding along.

May we all be blessed by men like this!

Thank you for your comment, Cathy.

Reply
Maggie Rowe
12/1/2018 04:07:19 pm

Dikkon, thank you for this powerful post. Forgiveness truly is freedom. As I read your essay, I thought of one of the first books I worked on at Tyndale, a memoir called Llessons from San Quentin. Plus another a few years later, The Devil in Pew Number Seven, whose author learned the freedom that came from forgiving the parishioner who killed her mother and shot her pastor father in their parsonage. I am grateful for writers like you who share your experiences for the benefit of others.

Reply
Dikkon
12/1/2018 05:57:19 pm

Thank you, friend Maggie. I do not know the first book but I do know the second--I didn't know it was one of yours! That is a strong, hard book, filled, though, with muscular grace.

Writers who do what we do depend on readers who are willing to grapple with that which is hard. May those readers thrive in the fields of the Lord.

You, too.

Reply
floyd samons link
12/2/2018 10:45:39 am

Wow. That sounds like a powerful process of the soul. Isn't amazing how when we tie the outside to the inside God can open our hearts in the most profound ways.

This is a great piece and reminder for me that all of us, myself included specifically, that we're all to be about forgiveness.

Our Savior is in the forgiveness business... and calls us to be one with Him.

Thanks for sharing your heart, brother. We're all in the same boat. Needing to forgive and needing forgiveness.

Reply
Dikkon
12/2/2018 11:58:41 am

"Our Savior is in the forgiveness business... and calls us to be one with Him." I love this sentence, Floyd!

Thank you for your encouragement. I'm grateful to have been led by a church friend to Kairos, and I'm glad that experiences of grace continue to occur when I am with the inmates. We had about 85 inmates at yesterday's reunion, which was a large number of Christian men or active seekers manifesting their relationship with the Lord and welcoming our posture of "listen, listen, love, love."

Reply
Flora Sawyer
12/4/2018 10:05:18 am

So thankful God has directed you to this much-needed ministry!! Praying His continued blessing.

Reply
Dikkon
12/4/2018 10:28:03 am

Thank you, Flora. Your continued encouragement means a lot to me. Bless you!

Reply
Betty Draper link
12/9/2018 12:18:00 am


Forgiveness occurred; redemption happened.

I have two brother, twins, one came out of our childhood with only a few rough edges, joined the army, made a career out of it. The other one, went to prison for a year after a few terms in reform schools. They are 19 months younger than me so being close in age we view our past pretty much the same. In fact when we get together I run thoughts by them to makes sure I remember it right, which helps me. One brother and I have forgiven, the other is still in prison with a body rotting in the grave. He is hard to be around, makes everyone walk on egg shells, he is sad. I tell you all this to also tell you this....I have prayed for this brother for years. He called me about six months after my heart surgery and said, I want to thank you for protecting Gary and I from Dad when we were little. I was stunned and ask what are you talking about. He said, remember how Dad would come home drunk of course, get us out of bed and make us wash all the dishes in the cabinets. Usually he could find one glass, or fork or something small we did not do right. The brother said, you would put me on one side of you and Gary on the other and pull us as close to you as you could get. To him that was protection. Wow, wow, wow my heart kept saying, wow. Never in a million years would I thought this brother would ever say something like to me. I still do not know what caused him to tell me this, I was pretty sick, a tear behind my heart caused a complication after surgery which resulted in a long hospital stay until I healed. It matters not what I was because I saw it as a crack in the wall he has put up to protect his hurting heart. He claim to know Jesus, met him at one of the reform school when someone like you and your group came and gave the gospel. There, that is why I am telling you all this brother. Be encouraged in what God has called you to do...you do know us older people have a lot to give and what better place than prison. So many needy ones who will come to anything to break the routine of prison, a captive bunch. Be encouraged.

Reply
Dikkon
12/10/2018 04:55:34 pm

Dear Betty--

What a story of your brother's call to you! And what an image of you, gathering your younger twin brothers--and of their feeling protected! Bless you for that protection.

The fact you felt moved to write it here for me to read, and for others to read, does indeed encourage me. Really, when I am in the prison with the men who attend our meetings, I feel close to the godly edge which is perhaps what you refer to as the crack in the wall. The men in the prison are susceptible to God's love and sometimes that love comes directly to them as a crack-in-the-wall they build to protect their hurting hearts. So then the God's love and theirs flows through, and in this case your brother called to bless you, years later, for how you blessed him.

I presume your brother knew about your extended hospital stay and felt moved to say, finally, what he needed to say...his and God's love flowed through that telephone call. Every aspect of that call I take to be a God message, so I echo your wow, wow, wow, Betty.

I am grateful for your sharing this story.

Reply
Betty Draper link
12/10/2018 07:42:00 pm

Yes, my brother did know about my extended stay in the hospital. I want to believe he thought I might die and that is why he bared his heart. Like I said, it matters not the why, I will recall it as one of my precious memories. this brother and I have had some hard times. He is strong in his ways, and his world is very very small. Thanks for the kind comment.

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